In the paraphrased words of Kasper The Deluded Goalkeeper: “My team were outplayed in every aspect of the match – for every moment of the match – until the post-match interviews when I thought I’d make a name for myself by spouting bollocks”. We need to find how deluded he was, and thankfully we’ve got plenty of overlying, underlying, basic and advanced stats to show his level of delusion is off-the-scale.

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